Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
