Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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