There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
