I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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