Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
