Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
