Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
