Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's blow job season.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ate ashes out of my bong
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
