I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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