Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
