hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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