Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
