you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
