genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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