dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
