I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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