Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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