we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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