Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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