these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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