Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
