Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize