420 ftw
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
