the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
