She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
