Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
