I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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