I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
