and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Please, let me fuck your mom
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
