the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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