yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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