Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize