Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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