mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
