I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
