I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
