Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
