therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
