I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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