How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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