in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
