Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
