Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I CAN MOONWALK!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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