come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
