you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So here I am, sexting at work.
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