Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are the jesus of drinking
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
