I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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