Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
