When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
