I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
