Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
