I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
