Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
