just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
