sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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