i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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