it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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