i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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