She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
