idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
