come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the day after is always just damage control
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
