I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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