please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
