I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
