yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
