I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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